(lively African tribal theme plays)
(elephant trumpets)
(Skipper) OK. Wind her up, boys!
It's Monte Carlo or bust.
- Struts. (Rico) Check.
(Skipper) Flaps. (Kowalski) Check.
(Skipper) Diamonds and gold. (Kowalski) Check.
(chitters)
(Skipper) We'll be back from our gambling spree in a couple weeks.
(all) Bye! (Skipper) Or whenever the gold runs out.
- Buh-bye! - Good-bye.
All right! We'll be waiting for you!
Just kidding! We're never coming back!
Sorry! What was that?
(Skipper) Initiate warp drive. (whirring)
Did they just say they were never coming back?
Guys?
(squeaking)
- Marty? - Oh, goody, you're here!
(shrieks) - Why don't you just chew on this?
I'm hungry. (smacking)
(screams)
(Melman) Ow!
I'm just messing with you.
I lost all feeling in this thing years ago.
(cackles, snores) - Melman? Why do you look like that?
(shouts) - Ooh, look who's talking.
Gloria? Why are you guys so... elderly?
Now, when was the last time you looked in the mirror?
- What? (Gloria) Hmm?
- No! - Wake up! Wake up, Ally-Al!
- Wake up! - Marty! (gasps)
- Marty, it was horrible. - That same nightmare again, huh?
We were stuck here in Africa, and we were all super-old and wrinkly...
Well, I aged well, but the rest of you looked terrible!
Relax, Alex. 'Cause I got a surprise for you!
(gasps) Is it the penguins? Have they come to take us home?
Nope. But it's the next best thing.
(sighs) Another day bites the dust. - Come on, now!
- Watch it. Watch yourself. Small divots! (grunts)
Sorry, little incline there. Back up this hill.
Ow!
A low-hanging branch, then just over this bluff and voilà!
(grunting, groaning)
Happy birthday, pal!
(sighs) Whoa. (siren wails, horns honk)
Wow! New York City.
(Gloria, Melman) Surprise!
Gloria! You're the Statue of Liberty!
Bring me your huddled masses, baby!
And, Melman, you're the Brooklyn Bridge!
Actually, I'm the Triboro Bridge.
Wow! You guys made this?
Yeah. From memory! From crazy, obsessive memory.
(laughing) Hey! Fifth Avenue... with no traffic!
There's Times Square, with its modern-day corporate lack of character.
Nine Duane Reades on the same street!
And the zoo.
Wow, our home.
Look! There's a little me.
And little all of us-es!
(chanting) Alex! Alex! Alex!
(chanting continues) (roars)
(cheering)
(laughing)
Oh, no!
(sobbing)
(blows nose, groans)
You guys. You've both made and ruined my day.
Make a wish, sweetheart.
Ta-da!
Your wish has come true!
Oh, yay! (stomach growls)
My tummy is speaking to me!
(Alex) Oh, gross!
Uh... I wouldn't eat that side of the cake if I were you.
(lemurs shout)
Alex, what was your wish?
I wished we could go home. I mean, don't get me wrong.
I love this. But it's not the real thing.
That's because it's a mud model, Alex.
It's not actually New York. I hope that was clear.
What are we doing?
Here we are relying on the penguins to come back for us.
But... we should just go to Monte Carlo and get them.
How do a lion, a zebra, a giraffe and a hippo walk into a casino in Monte Carlo?
- I don't know. Ask the rabbi! - Hey, I'm serious.
Come on! We can do it! We can do anything! It's us!
We're us!
Yeah, that's right. We've gone halfway around the world!
Compared with that, Monte Carlo's just a hop, skip and a swim away!
- Yeah. - To home.
(Marty) Home! (Melman) Home.
(Gloria) Home. (Julien) Cheeseburger.
Tell you what, bet those penguins will be glad to see us.
Yeah, they're probably bored out of their minds!
(screeches)
(penguins grunting)
(pops, screeches)
You pillow fight like a bunch of little girls!
Yah!
Chimichanga! These pillows are filled with baby birds!
(rousing orchestral music plays)
(electronic beeping)
(mumbling)
- What? - There it is. The casino!
(mumbling) - What?
I said, "Perfect. That's where we'll find the penguins."
(mumbling)
- What? (gibbering)
Shh! Come on, guys.
Operation Penguin Extraction does not include levity.
We can't draw attention to ourselves.
(whispering) We're invisible!
I'm talking really, really quiet.
♪ Everybody dance now!
♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah!
♪ Everybody dance now!
♪ Yeah!
(Alex) OK. Phase One: We break into the casino, grab the penguins,
and get them to take us back to New York in the Monkey-Powered Super Plane!
(Marty) Check.
Phase Two: We chew out the penguins for abandoning us in Africa.
(Melman) Check.
Phase Three: We apologize to the penguins
for overly harsh chewing outing, but we've gotten our point across.
Phase Four: Back to New York City.
- Yes! - I like it!
(grunts) All right, we take these ventilation ducts
to the crawlspace above the casino where we find the penguins.
I just need to figure out which duct each of us should take.
(Julien rapping) ♪ Pause Back with the bass
♪ The jam is live in effect and I don't waste time
♪ On the mic with a dope rhyme Jump to the rhythm
♪ Jump, jump to the rhythm, jump... ♪
(shouts, groans)
(Marty yelling)
(shrieks)
(Melman grunts)
(Gloria screaming) (rumbling)
Uh-oh.
Oh, no!
(Melman) Take cover!
- Whoo! OK! - Hi, honey.
- Whoa! - OK, OK. I got you. I got you, honey.
(Gloria laughs)
Now, they're not gonna let animals on to the casino floor,
so expect some kind of disguise.
(Marty) Whoa! Look at that! That is one ugly, mug-ugly lady!
That is roach-killing ugly!
(Alex, whispering) That's not a lady. That's the King of Versailles.
And that's not the King of Versailles.
That's the chimps. And the chimps are like smoke.
And where there's smoke, there's fire. And by fire, I mean the penguins!
(man) King of Versailles wins again. - I say we let it ride.
(thuds) (screeches)
Then we'll pick up the hippies and fly back to New York in style.
Can we buy an Airbus A-380?
Solid gold, baby!
Sir! A solid gold plane wouldn't be able to fly.
Kowalski, we'll be rich! The rules of physics don't apply to us.
- Let it ride! - Right-o!
(Gloria and Melman straining)
OK. In exactly two minutes and 17 seconds, the lemurs will cut the power.
- Now? - No.
- OK? - No.
- Now? - No.
I drop down, grab the penguins. You crank me up, and we are out of here.
Oh! Oh! Oh! Let me drop down! I'll grab the penguins!
You don't have fingers, Marty.
- Now? Do it? - No. No!
These are things a leader has to think of.
Why should you be the leader? Why not me?
'Cause I'm the phase tracker!
(man) The king is letting it ride.
(Marty) How did I get phased out? (Alex) You're part of a phase.
A phase isn't something you own, it's something you're in.
That's it.
Who voted you Grand Phase Master anyway?
Me! I voted me! 'Cause I'm the leader!
(man) Black! - That's it, baby!
- Now? - No!
(man) The King of Versailles wins it all!
- Maybe I should be in charge. - Melman!
I am a doctor.
- Now! - No.
Why can't we all be leaders?
Enough! I'm gonna lead.
(loud crashing)
(rope creaking)
(chuckles) (screaming)
(Alex) Aha! - What's new, pussycat?
Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!
- Marty, what phase are we at? - Uh... Phase Three: Apologize!
Right. Oh, man, we are so sorry.
Apology accepted. Let's roll!
Marty! We skipped Phase Two! We didn't chew them out!
Don't look at me. I'm just following the leader!
(alarm rings) (shudders)
- Now! - I'm a bit busy right now.
Just pull the switch!
OK, fine.
(people screaming)
What the heck is going on with the lights?
♪ Yo, tell me what you want What you really, really want
♪ I'll tell you what I want What I really, really want...
What are you doing?! Come on!
(screaming continuing)
Initiate lockdown!
And get me Captain Dubois from Animal Control!
(phone ringing)
(woman singing "Non je ne regrette rien")
(handset clicks) (woman) Speak.
(man chattering excitedly) (woman) Oui.
A zebra?
A hippo?
A giraffe?
A lion?!
When I was seven, I strangled my first parrot,
flushed my first goldfish, punched my first snake.
Now I have finally reached the moment I have been preparing for my entire life.
The pinnacle of my career:
to hunt the king of the beasts!
- Ah! (engines revving)
(woman screams)
- Oh, no. - Lockdown, eh?
What do we do?
All right, everybody, stand back. I got this one.
(thudding)
Never mind.
Well, you only get one chance at a first impression.
(whistles)
(tires screech) (engine rumbles)
(shouting)
- What just happened? - Where are we? What is this?
We call it the Luxury Assault Recreational Vehicle.
(computerized female voice) The car goes vroom-vroom!
- Step on it, boys! (engine revving)
(Melman screams)
(crowd screaming)
(engine races)
(dramatic music plays)
Captain Dubois, I am so happy to see you! You will not believe...
Get back, you fool! Your cheap cologne is obscuring the animal musk!
Oh, my face!
(sniffing)
(Dubois) Poor, poor animals.
You should never have left the forest. Now you deal with me.
Kowalski, signal the chimps to meet us
at the rendezvous point with the Super Plane.
- Hotel Ambassador. Let's move it! (honking)
Whoo-hoo!
Ow! Huh?
(sirens wailing)
Voilá. Giraffe at twelve o'clock.
Guys, we've got a tail.
Paparazzi!
Pedal to the metal, Private.
(Julien) Don't take any photos, please!
- Hi! (grunts)
Here I am!
Don't take... (in slow motion) any... photos. (chuckles)
(Mort) No more pictures! (Skipper) Medic!
- ETA to rendezvous point? - Two minutes, 37 seconds, sir.
Man your battle stations!
Hey! Wait! Nobody's at the wheel!
Get back there! Negative on the driver! There's no driver!
(Gloria) Help! Nobody's driving! Oh, no! We're going to die!
Don't just sit there, fancy pants. Grab the wheel!
Are you kidding? I don't drive. I'm a New Yorker!
Move over, Miss Daisy!
What are you doing? Zebras can't drive! Only penguins and people can drive.
- What do all these buttons do? ("Any Way You Want lt" plays over stereo)
(Melman) Help me! (Skipper) Nice one, Stripes!
Crazy woman gaining!
Our Omega-3 slick will take them down.
Private, activate!
She's good!
Kowalski, intel.
(Kowalski) Sir. We have a serious problem.
Captain Chantal Dubois.
Monaco Animal Control. Perfect case record.
(shouting)
- You're going the wrong way, Marty! - Just call me Marty-o Andretti.
- No. You're Sucky-o Andretti! (Marty) Stop backseat driving!
(Alex) I'm passenger-seat driving. Give me the wheel.
(Marty) It's not a wheel, it's my baby!
Your hoofs aren't meant to be on a wheel!
- Hey! Too late for you to drive! (Alex) Don't look at me!
Don't look at me when we argue! Look at the road!
- Be cool, be cool! (turns off stereo)
Hi, Officer. Is there a problem?
Hi.
(gun cocks) (tires screech)
(Melman) Oh! Watch out!
(shrieking) - We need more power.
Time to fire up Kowalski's nucular reactor.
- That's a nuclear reactor? - Nucular.
She's on the roof!
(Kowalski) But, sir, it's not ready. The control rods'll have to be calibrated.
And don't even ask me about the Uranium-238 blanket.
OK.
(screaming)
OK, Marty, we lost her! Maybe you can slow down now.
I can't! There's no brakes!
No brakes? Way to commit, soldier.
(screaming) (Mort giggling)
(metal grinding) (Melman whimpering)
Let's get out of here!
(Gloria) Go, go, go! Move! Now!
Hey, where's everybody going? (laughs)
(screaming)
Oh!
(wind gusting) - I'm flying!
I'm flying! I'm the first flying monkey!
(Gloria cheers) - Oh, yay!
That's our ticket out of here!
(Julien moaning) - Yeah, baby!
(clattering)
(engine revving)
Everybody! On the monkey chain!
Deploy banana gun!
(screeching)
(Alex) Grab the little guys! Toss them up! Let's go! Go, go, go! Go!
(Marty) Faster! Faster! Faster! Come on!
(Melman screams) - Come on, Melman!
- Whoo! Yeah! (grunts) - Melman!
- Yah! (screeches)
(Melman) My neck!
Put your backs into it! Double banana overtime!
(excited chittering)
(Melman moaning)
Serpentine! Serpentine!
(Alex grunts)
(shrieks)
(Melman choking)
Hey, this lady's really starting to freak me out.
(Dubois growls) - Fix it, Mort.
(grunting)
(Dubois grunting)
Hold this.
Alex, be careful! She's crazy!
You think, Marty?!
(moaning)
Ah!
That's right! Home free, baby!
(Melman) I can breathe!
(Alex) Au revoir, Dubois!
Well played, lion.
Game on.
(lively musical intro plays)
♪ New York, New York It's a heck of a town
♪ The Bronx is up ♪ But the Battery's down
(scatting)
♪ New York, New York...
Kowalski, status report.
So the good news is this song is almost over.
Well, that's music to my ears. And the bad news?
The gear assembly is badly damaged, sir.
(chimp screeches)
It's only a matter of time before...
(screaming)
(Melman) Why can't we ever just make a normal landing?
Oh, man!
(Gloria) Hold on, Melman. OK? I'll get you down, sweetie.
(moaning) Where is he? Must find King Julien. King Julien!
♪ It's getting hot in here
♪ So take off all your fur
♪ I am getting so hot
♪ I want to take my fur off ♪
Skipper, what about the plane?
The chimps will work through the night. No breaks, no safety restrictions.
(chimps chittering) - Hey, where are you going?
Get back here! We have a contract!
Yes. Well, I'm afraid labor laws are slightly more lenient in France.
You see, they only have to work two weeks a year.
Well, someone else has the Canadian work ethic!
But you penguins, you can still fix it, right? Right?
Yeah, yeah. You're a little crackerjack, can-do team.
You want me to give it to you straight?
Yes! Yes! No.
Bend it a little?
Well, the plane's totaled. Kaput, blammo, busted!
Never to fly again.
So that's it? That's it then, we're never gonna get home?
No! We've got to get home!
We can fix it! We'll fix it! Yeah, guys, come on, we'll fix it!
You just start from the outside pieces, and you work your way in.
And, yeah, perfect!
Come on! Don't just stand there, guys. Marty! Drag that thingy over here.
And we'll just attach it to this dealy-bob over here. And...
We're not going home.
(sighs)
We're never going home.
(police sirens wailing)
It's the fuzz!
What are we gonna do? We can't hide forever!
And we can't just blend! You know this ain't Africa.
Oh, what's the point?
Tell me one conceivable way that extra-large animals like us
are gonna be able to move through Europe without attracting unwanted attention.
Hey...
(shrieks)
(Russian accent) Where are you coming from?
Please, you got to hide us. Just until the heat dies down.
Absolut no outsiders.
So wipe that Smirnoff your face and Popov!
Come on, man. You gotta do one cat a solid. Cat to cat.
Do a solid here, buddy. Come on.
Nyet! This train is for circus animals only.
(male, Italian accent) They sound like they be in trouble.
(tiger) Stefano, we do not invite trouble into our circus. I don't trust lion.
Hair too big and glossy!
(Stefano) Aw, come on, Vitaly, you're being mean.
(Vitaly) He not lion. He lioness... with a beehive. (chortles)
This is awkward. We can hear everything they're saying.
(train whistle blows)
(Vitaly) It is not our problem! - No, no! Wait, wait, wait!
Eh... Just give us a minute. He's on the phone and... can't get him off!
Ow! We cannot leave them there!
(Vitaly) Only circus animals on this train!
Wait, listen! We are circus animals. You got to let us in!
You are really circus?
(sirens wailing) (man speaking French)
Yes. Full circus!
(Marty) My momma was circus. My daddy was circus.
(Vitaly) Gia! Shut the door!
- Please. (man) Over there! Over there!
- They are circus. Circus stick together. (groans)
(chuckles)
(clears throat)
Wow! Circus americano!
You must all be very famous!
- Yeah, we... - Absolutely.
- We're relatively well known... - But Alex is really the star.
Well, I'm not... I wouldn't say "star." More like... well, star.
What is your act, Alice?
Well... I basically, uh, I jump up on my rock...
- Rock? - Yeah. It's a very high... rock.
- A really high rock! - And then?
And then, well, I roar like... like a serious "Rawrrr!"
- And then? - And then I jump off the rock.
- And then?! - And then... And then what?
- That is all? - Into a pool!
- Full of water! - Full of cobras!
Actually, it appears like I'm jumping in to a pool...
- With cobras! - Aquatic cobras.
For effect. But I actually pull up at the last second.
- Pull up? - Yeah.
- How do you do that?! - Wire harness!
- Balloons! - Jet pack!
(stammering)
(chuckles) I flip off the wire harness, ignite my jet pack,
and then toss balloons to the children of the world.
Kids love it. Kids always love that.
(Vitaly scoffs) - Is this like the trapeze?
Yes! Trapeze! Exactly!
Wow! Trapeze americano!
Hey, I have a great idea! Maybe you come with us to Roma!
(gasps)
Hey, Vitaly is just playing around. He is good, no?
Yeah, thanks. Thanks.
But we're gonna get off at the next stop so we can get back to America.
(Stefano gasps) That is such a coincidence!
Because we're going... going to...
Let me finish!
We're going to America, as well! (growls)
- What?! - America?
- Going to America? - What?
(Stefano) Sí. - Wow? When?
After Roma, we go to London.
And then a big-time promoter will see us and then send us to New York.
- They're going to New York! - Well, only if he likes what he sees.
New York? Seriously? That's our home. That's where we live.
Isn't that fun?
- Could we go with you? - Sure! You can bunk with Vitaly!
(shrieking)
- Whoa! (Stefano) Or not.
- Nyet! (Stefano) Oh, no.
I don't think Vitaly likes that idea. What's he gonna do?
Which one of you is leader?
Tell your comrades there is one rule we do not break!
Thou shalt say it and not spray it?
Nyet! (neck cracks)
Circus owner no allow stowaways!
(chuckling)
(buzzing)
I hear you, Russki.
Although, the circus owner may allow stowaways
if the stowaways just happen to be the owners.
Riddle me that.
What is sharply dressed little birdie talking about?
- Show 'em, boys. (jingling)
(♪ The Capitols: "Cool Jerk")
(chuckles) (clowns giggling)
You have a deal, mi amigo.
(giggling grows louder)
I am sure this circus will bring you great success! Shh!
(laughter continuing) - I guess this is good-bye and good luck!
(loud, jeering laughter)
What do we know about owning a circus?
Nothing. But it's our only shot at getting home.
You better know what you're doing.
You're risking Private's community college fund.
I'll never be president.
(♪ Yolanda Be Cool & Dcup: "We No Speak Americano")
(gears grinding and popping to beat of the song)
(rhythmic whistling)
- Ahh! - Whoo!
(sniffing) Hey, this is not first class.
(Mort shudders) - Definitely coach.
(distant, eerie howling) (gasps)
(shrieks)
(both whimpering)
(eerily) La-la-la, la-la-la...
- Mort! Stop it! (giggles)
(loud crunching)
(Julien shrieks)
(shuddering) (low growling)
(growls) (shrieks)
(breathy rumbling) (teeth chattering) Ah!
(thudding footsteps)
(breathy rumbling)
(wheels squeaking) (growls)
(♪ Enya: "Watermark")
(breathing heavily)
Hey, gorgeous.
Has anyone ever told you that you look like a supermodel?
Albeit a fat, hairy one who smells.
(muffled scream)
Whoa! Oh-ho! (laughing)
Ooh... You have a very hairy back.
I like that in a woman.
(Julien laughing)
- That's it! I'm going in. - Stop! It's too dangerous!
(policeman 3) Don't be a hero! (gun fires)
(shouting in French)
Lion.
Twelve hours old.
Two hundred and fifty kilograms.
Glossy mane. Too much conditioner.
(gunshot echoes) - Eh, stupid bozos!
(sniffing)
(train whistle blows distantly) - Hello, kitty! (chuckling)
So, you ran away with the circus.
- What a cliché. (train horn blaring)
("La donna é mobile" canzone from Rigoletto plays)
(Skipper) What a dump!
If they want to attract a decent sports team,
they should bulldoze this rat trap and invest in a new arena.
(indistinct chattering)
(chittering)
The Colosseum, Marty! The original theater-in-the-round.
- My ancestors used to perform here. - No kidding!
Yeah. Every show had a captive audience.
- Apparently, they killed. - Sounds like a great gig!
Trenta minuti, everybody! Trenta minuti!
(Marty) This is so exciting!
Remember, we just lay low.
Stay out of the way. Let them do their thing.
Aw! Would you look at this?
You gotta go back in your momma's belly,
'cause you're too cute to be out here in the real world.
- Oi! Naff off, you muppet! - Whoa! What the...?
- Marty, they're professionals. Come on. - Whoo! You look gorgeous!
All right, animals! We may be your new owners,
but we don't want to reinvent the circus wheel here,
so just go out, do what you do!
Just think of this as a fun warm-up for that promoter in London.
Right, Marty? Marty?
- I want to be a circus horse! - We could paint you white!
And then paint you pink!
- Awesome! - Not laying very low, are we, Marty?
Sonya! Where is the bear? Sonya! We're about to start!
Hey, Vitaly! Got your game face on.
(roars) (chuckles) Good game face.
What is that cat's problem?
(in Russian accent) "I'm a mean Russian cat who isn't nice to anybody."
- Hey, honey, look! Look, I'm doing it! (Gloria giggling)
- Guys, stop fooling around. - We're just having a little fun.
- Let's let these animals do their show. (Marty) Ta-da!
♪ Da-da da-da-da-da-da-da, circus! Da-da da-da-da-da-da-da, Afro!
♪ Circus Afro Circus Afro
♪ Polka dot, polka dot, polka dot, Afro! ♪
Really?
Sonya! Where is Sonya the bear?!
(♪ Andrea Bocelli: "Con te partiró")
Aha!
(grunting)
(Julien laughing)
I want to kiss every inch of your huge head.
It may take me a number of weeks.
(Sonya grunting) (Julien) Hey, watch it!
(Julien) Ow!
(growls)
That was heavy.
(whimpers, roars)
Don't cry. Stop crying!
It makes me cry to see you cry, my darling.
I will get you something even better.
(engine revving)
(screaming)
Hey, you can buy love.
Whoa, not too fast!
(guns cock)
Ladies and gentlemen,
presenting Gia,
the trapeze-flying jaguar!
And there she go. The triple-flip roll
with a double leap, and...
(shrieks) What are you doing?!
That's just paper. (chuckles)
Were you spying on me?
No! I just came by to say that I don't want you to think...
I don't want you to think of me as some sort of authority figure.
Don't worry. I don't.
- You don't? Oh. - Not at all.
Well, the other circus animals might find me a bit intimidating.
No. Nobody is intimidated at all by you.
Oh, good stuff. Good. Good news.
In fact, I do not think they have given you a second thought since you showed up.
That's good to hear.
If anything, they're starting to feel sorry for you.
OK, I get it. OK?
(groans)
Is there more?
I just wanted to thank you for letting us get on the train back there.
(in Russian accent) I know the big cat with the accent... (chuckles)
...wasn't so excited about us getting on.
Look, lion guy.
This circus means everything to us.
And if you do anything that threatens this circus,
you will have to answer to me. Capisce?
I capisce, cool. Trust me, we're cool.
(shouting)
You call this laying low?
(Julien) Whoo-hoo!
(shouting)
(train horn blares)
(squeaking)
(Julien) Faster! Faster!
Whoa, whoa, whoa! (laughing)
Where there is circus, there is lion.
(chuckling) And when in Rome...
Vive la France! (engine revving)
(whistle trills) - Halt!
(shrieks)
Come on, my hairy queen. We'll do doughnuts in the Pantheon.
(cheering)
(gasps) - You're in big trouble. (grunts)
Now you're really in big troub... (grunts)
Now you're really, really in big tro...
- I'm new! (gun clicking)
OK! Strike up the band!
You have a band?
("Sabre Dance" plays)
Prepare to be blown away!
- Blow me away! - Here we go!
(laughs)
(cheering)
Look at this. Whoa! Hey!
It's nice to be... Ah! (screams)
Yay...
Hey!
Whoa! How do dogs do that?
(man) Get on with it!
(crowd booing) Stupido!
Uh-oh.
(booing continues)
(trumpets)
(crowd gasps)
(Stefano shrieks)
Well, that was worth the price of admission.
(whinnies)
- Watch it, mate! (screams)
Who's from Cincinnati?
Stefano, you know "blown away" means good, right?
Don't worry. The big finale is coming up!
- Give me a downbeat! Look at this! (playing off-key)
(groaning) - Oh, no. No, this is not happening.
You have a deal, mi amigo.
(Stefano) It's good, no?
Yes, go out and get food and come back!
(crickets chirping) (chuckles, hiccups)
(clamoring)
Deep breaths. You're in a happy place. It's all good.
There's an angry mob outside, and they're demanding their money back!
I think we all know the right thing to do.
("Sabre Dance" resumes) (shouting)
Come on, come on!
(Marty) Come on! Hurry up!
- Hop on the train! (gasps)
(angry shouting)
(babbles, shrieks)
(Gloria) Come on, guys!
Mamma mia! (Gloria) Hurry up!
Grazie, Alice.
Just throw us the money!
Ah!
(excited chattering)
Captain Chantal Dubois. Get up.
I'm going to have to send you back to Monaco under maximum security.
What?!
(gasps)
It's just a pillow!
Eh, that's the oldest trick in the book, Comandante.
Every bambino in Italy knows that one.
Maybe, but do they know about the old escape hole
behind the innocent-looking poster?
(groans)
Or the really old "I'm gonna hide up on the ceiling" trick!
(clears throat)
(whistles)
Of course. The secret tunnel under the bed!
Get this thing out of the way.
(policemen straining)
Let's go!
This secret tunnel is a dead end!
(policeman) There's nothing but bedsprings and mattress stuffing down here!
(Comandante) Was that the sound of a cell door closing?
(computer beeps)
Voilá!
(printer buzzing)
(Comandante) Was that the sound of my HP printer printing?
(Alex groans) This is a disaster!
(Gloria) We blow all our money on a bad circus,
- and we're not any closer to New York! - If anything, we're further away!
We could have at least bought a circus that knew how to circ!
I don't even know why we bought a circus in the first place.
We had enough dough for a plane!
- Are you kidding me? - You must have some money left over.
I used it to buy teeth and then have them capped in gold.
Now I can eat apples!
Sadly, I discovered I don't like apples.
(Marty) No promoter is sending this show to America. It's toe up!
(Gloria) Now it makes sense. No wonder the circus master was so happy to sell.
Shh!
(Marty) He was happy, all right. Happy about ripping us off!
(Alex shrieks)
- Where did Alex go? - I don't know.
(screaming)
Come on! This way!
No, no, no. You come this way!
Alice, watch your head!
(train whistle blows)
Yah!
(gasps)
Alice!
Alice! (shrieks)
(Alex) I'm fine! (shrieks)
Fantastic!
(train whistle blows)
Was that trapeze americano?
- Uh, yeah. Sort of. - Incredible!
- I hope this is important. - Come this way, Alice!
By the way, it's "icks" not "iss." Alex. Like New York Knicks.
I know. New York Kniss. Is not hard.
Whoa.
What is this place?
I know you think we are a stinky, poopy circus,
but there is something you must know.
There was a time when Circus Zaragoza,
we were a great circus!
Numero uno in all the Europa!
And Vitaly... he was the biggest star of us all.
He was fearless. Taking risks. Always new.
He jump through the hoop like he could fly!
(cheering)
Stefano!
Make the hoop smaller.
- Like this? - Smaller.
- Like this? - Good!
(squeals)
(growls)
(pops) (crowd roaring)
(Stefano) It had never been done before because it was physically impossible!
And the people... they loved it!
(female) Viva Vitaly!
Smaller!
Ha!
(pops) (cheering)
(Stefano) And the hoop, she got smaller!
Like the ring
on a finger of the tiniest lady with the slimmest of fingers.
Bravo, Vitaly!
(Stefano) He would not stop pushing.
And one fateful day...
...he push too far!
Light the hoop on fire!
(gasps)
(cheering)
(Stefano) He fly too close to the sun... and he got burned.
Literally. The extra virgin olive oil is extra flammable.
And he lost everything.
His wife, she run off with a musician.
He lost his dignity... his fame...
...his passion... and his fur.
And when it grow back, it is less soft. More like a prickly beard.
Scusí. Vitaly!
(growls) (shrieks) Nothing!
His only passion now is the borscht.
- Whoa. - He was our inspiration.
So when he lost his passion,
well... as Vitaly goes, so goes the circus.
- This is why we need your help. - What sort of help?
You can teach us to do new circus. Americano style!
We find a new passion.
Make a new show. And we go all the way to US and A!
(chair squeaking)
A!
I know. It is stupido idea.
We are a lost cause.
No, no, this isn't stupido. This could work!
- What? - What you just said.
(gasps) What? - The idea you said. Two seconds ago.
- What? - Your stupido idea!
- It could? - Stefano, you're a genius!
No, no, no, no. I am only average intelligence.
Some say I'm even slightly below.
We are gonna rethink everything anybody's ever known about circus!
I call it Phase 4-7B, wherein, in order to get home,
we will come up with something fresh, something amazing, something brand-new!
Fresh, never before seen! Off the chain!
Something that'll blow that circus promoter away!
(angry shouting) - I missed.
- Off with your head! - I'm gonna chew his leg off!
Circus has been same for generations!
We make good, classic family entertainment.
Aha! But last few generations,
families... not so entertained.
(clears throat)
That's right. Families not so entertained
because you're just going through the motions out there.
It's missing passion.
How one to have passion for stool poked in face?
Exactly! And by stool you mean chair, right?
The fact is, you guys, you got stuck in a rut.
You stopped pushing, you stopped taking risks.
But those days are over.
Because now we're going to completely change the show.
Then it wouldn't be a circus, would it?
Circus is not about the acts you do.
Circus is in here.
How come Freddie gets all the circus?
Circus is about following your passions, wherever they take you!
(scoffs) You cannot change circus. There is long tradition!
That's what everybody thought, Vitaly, until those French Canadians came along,
drunk off their maple syrup and cheap pharmaceuticals,
and completely flipped the paradigm.
Now they play Vegas. Fifty shows a day in 52 separate venues.
And one of them completely in the nude.
Yeah, that's right. And you know how they did it?
Take off their clothes?
- No. They got rid of the animals. (Stefano) What?
- Say it ain't so! (Gia) Che stupida! No animals...
- How could they?! - Well, you know what I say to that!
I say they can take the animals out of the circus,
but they cannot take the animals out of the circus!
I mean, they cannot... (clears throat)
I think you understand what I'm saying!
- Yeah! - Yes!
Uh... No!
We don't need humans because we've got passion.
What does a human say when he's passionate?
He says, "I'm an animal!" Well, we are animals!
(cheering) (roaring)
We'll make an all-animal circus!
Because if we follow our passion, we can go anywhere.
- Anywhere! - We can do anything!
- Anything! - If we do it together!
- All of us! - Yeah... Yeah, yeah!
- Our circus! - Yeah!
- We're in! We'll have some of that! - Can I hear you say "fur power"?
Fur power!
Take our circus back, and we'll do it together!
You and me, baby! An act together!
I love it!
We can do that funk and groove dance thing!
- Uh, dance? - This thing right here. Look.
(humming) Me and you! We got this!
(stammering) But I can't dance.
(chanting) Fur power! - Chanting is fun! Chanting is fun!
Ah! I do not trust this lion.
Vitaly, I may not trust him, either,
but I am tired of sitting and standing and rolling over.
It is great tradition of sitting, standing, rolling over.
You know our circus is in trouble.
This could be our last chance. But we will not do this without you.
Circus always stay together.
(sighs) OK. I do one hoop.
(squeals)
I want a hug, too!
- Oh! (chuckles)
(laughing)
(engine rumbling)
(tires squeal)
Attention! I have found our lion! He is hiding with the circus!
(monitors beeping rhythmically)
(slow instrumental intro begins)
(singing "Non je ne regrette rien")
(man shrieks)
(music slows, softens)
(singing finale)
(music crescendos)
(song ends)
(yodeling)
(Mort giggling) Come on, Maurice, give it to me!
(Stefano) More boomstick, Rico! I really want to fly!
Are you really going to shoot yourself out of that thing?
I've always dreamed of doing this, from time I was a little pup,
to be a human cannonball!
Except, you know... a sea lion cannonball.
Is it dangerous?
Yes, of course it's dangerous!
- Now, are you sure about this? - I'm sure.
'Cause if blowing up is your thing, then you in the right place.
Sí. That's means yes!
Ready for launch?
Ready for launch!
Fire in the hole!
Wait!
(screaming)
(groans)
Mamma mia!
Help me!
(Stefano's voice echoing)
Rico! Get the cannon ready! Same charge!
(Skipper) Fire in the hole! - Oh!
(screaming)
Oh, oh! (shouting gleefully)
("Born Free" playing) - All right! (laughs)
Oh! Whoo!
Yeah!
(howling)
Marty! I'm so glad you're here.
Whoo! I was flying! I was effin'-L-Y-in'!
I'm proud of you, but... (whimpers)
...I don't think I can hold on much longer!
Oh, yeah, right. Sorry about my enthusiasm.
Here, wrap this around you.
All right, I got you! I got you!
(shouts happily) (howling)
Forget about being part of the herd! I'm gonna be part of the flock!
- I'm going to fly, baby! - Oh, yes! What a triumph!
- Hand over that circus, Freddie! - I'll have your guts for garters!
Hey, hey, put your weapons down.
Guys, chill out. Cute and cuddly's obviously not your thing.
He's got us pegged.
I got a better idea. Show 'em, Rico.
(buzzes) (screams)
Oh, that was great!
- Flippin' 'eck! - Rocket shoes!
(Freddie) I want to try that! - Jonesy! Jonesy!
Whoo! Hey. Hi.
I admire how you have inspired these animals.
Oh, thanks.
And what you said about passion, it was like poetry.
I love passion and poetry. They go together, really.
- I know they don't rhyme. - Trapeze is my passion!
Terrific. I look forward to seeing you up there.
You can teach me!
- What? - Teach me.
Well, I've always been kind of a solo act.
So that kind of rules that out.
I wonder if you actually do trapeze.
- Oh, I actually do do trapeze. - Show me!
"Show me"? What are we, five?
I am five, yes.
(stammering, sighs)
(dance music plays) (Melman) Dancing.
All you're doing is moving and not getting anywhere.
I mean, the music totally throws off my timing.
You want excitement? Ha-ha!
Check it out. Who's on a tightrope, huh? Huh?
Who's on a...
(screams) (Gloria humming)
- I'm on a tightrope! I'm on a tightrope! (gasps)
Melman! Oh, my gosh!
- Help me! - Baby, hold on. Hold on.
- I'm coming right now! - Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!
- Melman?! (yelling)
Ah! Ah! Ah!
Calm down, Melman.
I'm going to fall and break all of my neck! Ah!
Just look at me. Look at me.
- All eyes on me. - OK.
- Come to me. (stammering) I can't.
It's just like dancing, Melman. Two steps forward, one step back.
I can't dance, OK? There, I said it.
Maybe because you've never tried.
No, I have tried.
I practiced in private because you dance so well.
You practiced? For me?
Yes, but it's no use.
I never know what to do with my arms.
(shouting) - Hold it.
That part is so easy, Melman. OK?
'Cause all you have to do is put them around your partner.
See? Two steps forward.
One step back.
- I'm dancing. I'm dancing! - Two steps forward...
- We're dancing on a tightrope! - You're great.
- Whoo-hoo! I'm dancing! (Gloria laughing)
(Stefano screaming)
OK. (exhales) Whoo! All right.
So when do we get the jet packs and aquatic cobras?
Uh, this is a beginners' class, and that's a pretty advanced maneuver.
OK, how do we begin?
It's a bit complicated unless you understand
the whole pitch and yaw... arc and gravity.
All that stuff, which I won't bore you with. OK.
- Do you need a push? - No.
Just watch and learn!
(♪ Peter Asher: "Love Always Comes as a Surprise")
- Like that? - That's one way of doing it, sure.
(shouting)
Wow! You use a net!
Yes! Trapeze americano. We use the net.
(squeals)
Trapeze americano!
(grunts)
Whoa! (chuckling)
Look at him go!
(laughs) Whoa!
Wow!
(Marty howling)
(laughing)
(cheering)
É bravo! Bravissima!
Hey, Vitaly, maybe you even do two hoops, no?
Psst. Señorita Bell-bottoms.
Tenemos una problema grande.
¿Qué? ¿Qué grande problema?
Oh, no! She's onto us!
Shh! Don't make it any easier on the psycho.
- What are we gonna do? - We'd better vamoose... pronto.
But we're not ready. We're in the middle of rehearsals.
Then why don't you lilt over,
grab your peduncle, and kiss New York good-bye?
Are you sure we are ready?
Of course we're ready! Born ready! Ready steady! Come on, let's go!
Let's go, go, go, go, go!
(Skipper) All right, you heard the cat. Move it! Come on! All aboard!
Grab your luggage and drain your bladders.
It's going to be a long ride!
(Julien) Whoa!
All right, everybody, let's blow that promoter away!
(Melman) London, here we come! (Marty) Sunshiny London, yes!
(audience cheering)
(crowd chanting) Vitaly! Vitaly! Vitaly!
(gasps, panting)
(bells chiming)
(Skipper) Come on, come on, come on. Where is he?
Bingo!
If that's not a red-blooded American promoter, I don't know what is.
We need to get this show on the road. Private! Tell them the eagle has landed.
The eagle has landed!
Roger that. Oh, and keep an eye out for Dubois.
Aye, aye, guvnor!
The promoter is in the house!
- New York is closer than ever! - Let's not get ahead of ourselves.
First, we got a circus to do. We're on, folks!
- Do we go on before or after the dogs? - Yes.
- What? - Overlap, your acts overlap.
- Where's Vitaly? He opens. - I don't know.
Stefano! Hey, Stefano! Have you seen Vitaly?
(Stefano weeping) - Hey.
Stefano, why the sad little face?
Vitaly... he will not go on!
- What? - I tried everything I could.
(weeping) - Shh, shh, shh, shh.
Wipe away the tears. Calm down.
Where is he? I'm sure I can reason with him.
- Vitaly, what are you doing? - You missed.
You're leaving? You're just gonna walk out on everybody?
They have good show without me.
Look, I got a good left foot, but without my right foot, I can't walk.
You get fake foot, then you walk.
- I don't want fake foot! OK? (groans)
What happened to "circus stick together," huh? "The show must go on."
Clichés.
Come on, man. Stop being this guy! Be the other guy!
What other guy?
The guy who was all circus! The guy who jumped through hoops!
Give me that! The guy everybody looked up to.
Come on. Where's that Vitaly?
That Vitaly is no more.
Listen, man. You may have given up on yourself,
but your friends haven't given up on you.
Are you just going to turn your back on them,
and sit and eat borscht the rest of your life?
Or are you gonna get out there and jump through that tiny little hoop?
(groans) It is impossible.
(sighs)
It was always impossible, Vitaly. That's why the people loved it.
That is why I loved it.
Because I did the impossible!
I was once a brave tiger.
And if I go down in flames... (laughs)
...so be it!
You know, I think l might have an idea for you.
Light the hoop on fire!
(pounding heartbeat)
(growls)
(gasping)
Mamma mia, Santa Maria, Santa Maria...
Mamma Maria, mia Santa, Santa Mia Farrow...
Come on, you got it.
(pops) (gasps)
(cheering)
(laughing) Yes!
All right, what are you waiting for? We got a show to put on.
Let's go. Go, go, go, go, go!
(♪ Katy Perry: "Firework")
(excited chattering)
Look!
(laughing)
We're going to America! Whoo!
Today!
That's what I call crack-a-lackin' to the mack-a-lackin'!
- We did it, Alice! - Yeah!
Maybe I am average intelligence after all!
Perhaps even slightly above.
No, I don't think so.
Ha! Hair conditioner. Great idea, my friend!
Feel. Go ahead. Soft like kitten, no?
- Look at that. - Slippery but not flammable.
You smell like peaches and herb!
(squeals) - Wow!
Gia and Alex, the trapezing cats!
We did pretty good.
You will flip, and I will catch.
And sometimes I will flip, and you will catch.
And then we will both flip, and we'll travel the whole world!
Flipping and catching, and I will flip you...
(harmonizing)
(Gia continues indistinctly)
Uh... You know, the thing is...
- I may not always be around. - Where are you going?
- Well, I'm... I'm... I'm... (horn honking)
Bravo, bravo!
What a heartwarming performance, Monsieur Circus Master.
It brought tears to my eyes.
(chuckling) No, not really.
(over phone) Monsieur, we both know the lion does not belong to you.
(gasps) It's that horrid woman!
He is a fugitive from justice.
You will turn the lion over to me
so that I may put him where he belongs.
(shouts) - On my wall.
(chuckles)
(officers grunt)
- What? (Skipper) Incoming!
- Whoo! (Skipper) Outgoing!
Wait!
(screaming)
(Skipper) Up high! Whoo-ha!
Down low. Too slow.
- Well done, Private. - Did I do good?
(Skipper) Nah, not really.
Man, that was close!
(Gia) Alex?
You are from a zoo?
Yes. Yes. But wait, there's more.
- More? - Or less. There's less.
You were never circus?
We had to say we were circus.
Or you'd never have let us on the train!
After all we have been through together...
...you want to go live in a zoo?
- Gia, I... - You used us.
No, no, no. I mean, yes, but...
Trapeze americano, you make that up, too?
It didn't exactly exist when I taught it to you.
Jet packs and aquatic cobras! I should have known.
Balloons to the children of the world was not real, either?
Yeah, that's not real. But look at what we did.
I was shot out of a cannon! I could have died!
But I thought it was your lifelong dream.
For all I know, your name is not even Alice.
No, Stefano, but it never really was.
I don't feel safe! (whimpering)
Gia, I...
We trusted you.
My tears are real!
You are not!
I can't believe you lied to all us circus folk.
(Julien) Me? Stay with the circus? (Sonya roars)
I am a king! I want to rule New York! We should talk.
Whoa!
Stop it! No means no! Or in your language... Aah!
(growls)
Not everything is solved that way, you know.
Sonya? Are you listening to me?
Now I'm getting the silent treatment, am l?
Come over here right now!
Don't shut me out, baby!
What is wrong with you? Speak!
(roars)
OK... if these are your feelings, I understand now.
And I'm going!
It's obvious I'm just an emotional whoopee cushion for you to sit on!
When you look for where I am,
I won't be there!
(Julien sobbing) (growls)
(whimpers)
Come, everybody. We have show to do.
But how do I go on without Marty? (sobs)
- Stefano. - I don't know what to do.
You can still do cannon solo.
But... I want to do solo act with Marty!
And what do I do?
Go back to sitting and standing and rolling over?
No.
We can do impossible!
And we never go back to way we used to be.
The way it used to be isn't the way it was.
And it won't be the same without them, whatever way it is.
(bells chiming)
Well... we're here.
- Home. - Huh.
My rock looks smaller than I remember it.
Look at the mural.
Doesn't actually capture the real thing, does it?
Wow.
I forgot about that wall in between us, Melman.
- Mm-hmm. - Was that always there?
Guys, I'm sorry I ever left the zoo in the first place.
What do you mean?
I mean, if I had just stayed put,
we wouldn't have anything to be sad about right now.
Leaving the zoo was the best thing that ever happened to us.
Really?
Yeah. Out there, in the world, we were really living.
(Julien) Yeah! - It was exciting!
- It was romantic. - It was dangerous.
I never felt so alive!
When we were with the circus, we were already home.
I only wish we'd realized that sooner.
I'm really going to miss those guys.
What do you say we go back?
Really?
- I'm with you! - I'm in!
But what do we tell them?
We make it right by telling them how wrong we were.
It's worth a shot.
(in Russian accent) And if we go down in flames, so be it!
(Gloria) Yes, let's do this! (Julien) I like it!
(Marty) Yeah, yeah!
Is my neck getting longer?
Feel my fur. It's so soft.
It is soft.
I'm like a candy cane in a black and white movie.
Oh, no.
Dubois.
Sonya, I miss you, baby! I miss my stinky bear!
Babe... your fishy kisses!
- Surprise! (snoring)
(tsking) He will never fit in the carry-on.
But his head will! (cackling)
(man) Hey! - Qu'est-ce que c'est?
Look! Look what she's done!
You brought back Alex the lion!
- It's a miracle! - Thank you! Thank you!
(Julien) Sonya, where are you?
Sonya!
Excuse me.
(growls) - Sonya, baby!
I don't want to be king anymore!
I was so hung up on who I was...
...who you was... what you smelled like...
...when all that really matters is what we smell like together.
(Sonya roars softly)
(laughing) I know! Baby, forgive me.
Oh, hello?
Gasp! It's Dubois!
Baba booey!
- Where did you get this? - I got it from the zoo.
The hippies got ambushed!
What? We have to help them!
But they lied to us!
Yeah. Why should we lift a paw?
They are our friends!
They're not even circus!
- That's Bolshevik! (whimpers)
I never thought I'd say this on American soil, but the Russki's right!
(Alex groans)
(crowd) Alex! Alex! Alex! Alex!
- Oh, no. - Alex? Where are you?
- Gloria! Are you OK? (moans)
- What is happening? - Alex!
- No, no! No, no! (man) Alex the lion!
No!
(man) Thank you. Thank you all for coming to this special celebration.
And now, the woman who made this all possible,
who brought Alex the lion and a couple of...
...three?
Three other animals back to New York.
And she's French. Ooh-la-la.
Please welcome Chantal Dubois!
(applause)
(gasping, muttering)
Alex?
(feedback echoes)
It was never about the money.
It was about...
...the lion.
(crowd cheering)
Ah!
- Gia? - Circus stick together.
♪ Da-da da-da-da-da-da-da, circus Da-da da-da-da-da-da-da, Afro
♪ Circus Afro, Circus Afro Polka dot, polka dot!
Look! A flying circus!
No!
Operation Afro-Circus Rescue... engage!
(Private) Aye, aye, Skipper!
Unleash the seal.
- I am a sea lion! - Whatever.
(laughing)
- Two tons of fun. Dive, dive, dive! (trumpeting)
(growls)
- Let's rock. - You and me, baby!
Ah! Ah!
Whoo!
(Julien yells)
(tires screeching) (yells)
(trumpeting)
(moaning)
Wow!
(shuddering) (roaring)
- Suck in that gut! (inhales deeply)
(shouts)
I am impressed!
(Melman shouts)
- Whoo! - Yeah! Whoo!
(Skipper) Mission accomplished. Now let's get out of here!
(Stefano) Wait! Wait for me! - Stefano!
Don't leave without me!
Oh, no!
(shrieks)
Whoa!
Go, Stefano! Climb!
Come on, my friend!
Stefano!
(grunts) Help me!
- I will have your head! - Oh, no! Help me!
Alex!
Marty! Shoot me a line.
You got it. Afro, don't fail me now!
What are you doing?
We are doing trapeze americano.
Let's do it!
- Frankie, Jonesy! Be ready! - You got it, boss!
Go, go, go!
(Mort chortling)
(grunts, groans)
Gia! Take Stefano!
Alex!
(gasping)
Aquatic cobras!
If I am going down, your head is coming with me!
I don't think so!
(whistles) - Oi, let's go!
You're going down, but not with my head.
Yay!
Jet pack! He pull up!
Your days of chasing animals are over, Dubois!
Because you've just messed with the king!
(Dubois grunts)
(roaring) (crowd cheering)
This is where animals like you belong! Now sit!
(dart pops)
Lie down.
(giggling) Naughty me.
Roll over.
Good, Dubois.
Now stay!
(♪ Katy Perry: "Firework")
(Gia squeals)
We did it!
(Stefano) Balloons to the children of the world!
Trapeze americano!
- It is real. - It's real!
(excited chattering)
That's how you do it! Whoa!
So you want to run away with the circus?
- Live a life of adventure? - Full of romance?
- And danger! - Really living!
What do you say?
♪ Ra-da-da da-da-da-da-da-da, circus!
♪ Da-da da-da-da-da-da-da, Afro!
♪ Circus Afro, Circus Afro! Polka dot, polka dot, polka dot, Afro!
(Julien) ♪ I like to move it, move it I like to move it, move it
♪ I like to move it, move it You like to...
Move it!
("Afro Circus I Like To Move it" continues)
(Alex) Skipper, what did you end up doing with the crazy lady, anyway?
Hmm? (mumbling)
(muffled shouting)
(muffled scream)
("Afro Circus I Like To Move it" continues)
(♪ Peter Asher: "Love Always Comes as a Surprise")